017: Ways of Wearing

My panic ensemble, the gift that keeps on giving.

Everyone must have a panic ensemble, but if you do not, I commend you for your cool temperament and calm demeanor, for being so well put-together and self-assured. I am not that person. I tell myself I need to be somewhere earlier than need be to factor in a few mental breakdowns and at least one existential panic. Part of the reason, believe it or not, is not to please others (I allow other aspects of my personality to take the reigns on that one) but because (and not to sound like a pompous ass) I really do love my clothes so much that I want for them all to have sufficient airtime.

Decision paralysis takes over and all that’s left is the shell of my former self and a mountainous landscape of my wardrobe’s contents atop my bed. Some days other factors also come into play: I’m bloated or at war with my reflection, I have a vision that isn’t coming into existence quite the way I imagined. Then the hour of my departure arrives and I am a woman on the verge, staring blankly at her closet, not the least bit dressed.

Enter the panic ensemble, a dress that has rescued me from far too many spirals and gets me out of the door and on time. Mint-chocolate chip in colour, with a singular eccentric sleeve, an elasticated hem that nips in mid-calf, and Grecian draping, this dress from JW Anderson’s Spring 2020 collection delivers all the strangeness and beauty I yearn for in a look. It can be dressed up or down and is appropriate for many a moment, depending on your definition of “appropriate”, mine being Frankendress. From the void of my closet (created upon vetoing everything else I own) it speaks to me, insert a slow-motion sequence of me reaching for it, and then at warp speed I slip into it, throw on a pair of shoes and grab bag, and then I’m striding down the sidewalk, my one sleeve billowing from the sheer force of my “I’m a New Yorker getouttamyway!”walk and full confidence in my outfit, the denizens of New York City completely unaware of the madness wreaked mere minutes ago.

For a dress that is the farthest thing from a dependable cut in a neutral hue, it works with so many different shoes and accessories and works in so many ways. Ever since I was a young adult susceptible to impulsive changes in taste, my mother ingrained in me a test to keep me in check, not only in order to make financially sensible choices, but also to teach me that waste is a terrible thing. The test is “How Many Ways Can I Wear This?”, the sweet spot being at least five, with bonus points for seasonal adaptability, and has kept me, for the most part, from succumbing to scratching the itch of trends, and more importantly, wearing and loving the things I own. Since I bought this dress about three years ago, I’ve worn it through spring into summer to the tail end of fall, to run errands in and to celebrate life. So for all my proof-is-in-the-pudding girlies, I present to you just some of the ways I wear this dress!

I.

When this dress sauntered down the runway, it was replete with a sparkly non-bra, belt and necklace. At one rather high point, I contemplated gluing on black sequins and rhinestones true to form, but I decided not to test my luck after searching high and low for it and finally finding the last piece available on Yoox…for now. Below is my loose interpretation of the look off the runway, sans shiny brassiere (sigh). The objective was “sparkly bits and bobs”, and who does silly glamour quite like Simone Rocha? The CROCS are a Simone Rocha collaboration, and the hair clip I’d bought for myself and for my best friend to wear on her wedding day, which was to be in Ireland and her husband is Irish, as is Rocha. I love a good backstory, a little context! The Prada necklace is an eBay score a hundred years ago from Prada’s legendary Spring 2010 collection. (My one qualm is that I forgot to clip on a pair of tacky 1940s rhinestone earrings.)

Secondhand necklace and shoes.

Where would I wear this? I have a very unglamorous lifestyle, not in the least “woman in her 30s living it up in the Big City”, more “she’s tired and she’s lying down.” LIFE is my runway, so I might wear this outfit to pick up allergy medication at the pharmacy or to have dinner at a responsible hour (for optimal digestion).

II & III.

While my sparkles and faux-baubles indulge in a little riposo, I present to you two outfits for the Italian holiday I will not be going on for the foreseeable future. Or, more optimistically, two outfits that have served me well on holiday and at home.

First off, we have an outfit that spells “I’ve just hopped off a little boat after sunning all day and will absolutely be having the Spaghetti alla Nerano, and of course I packed my best dress and earrings in case I bump into my good friend Stanley Tucci.” Joining us at dinner are a pair of Prada earrings and sandals from Spring 2020 and a well-serving vintage Prada canvas bag and my elementary Italian.

Secondhand earrings, sandals, bag.

Next up, an outfit I’ve worn here, there, and everywhere, one that is pleasing to both me and my mother (a hard shell to crack). The espadrilles are from a local shoe shop in Barcelona, purchased after wearing totally wrong shoes to walk around all day during a heatwave. Even though the dress isn’t cotton or linen, I’ve miraculously been able to wear it in murderous temperatures, which has me convinced that the sleeve functions as air conditioning on the go. Even though the neckline and top half of the dress the whole dress is quite fussy, I find that adding a long necklace works and breaks up the lines, or lack thereof.

The bag belonged to my mother, a little Gucci canvas number that her brother had gifted her to thank her for being such a great sister (it was overdue). I was eighteen at the time, and it was the first time I remember venturing to any floor other than the souvenir shop at Harrods. She and I were like two giddy little children distracted by everything as my exhausted uncle tried to get us to focus on the task at hand. My mother used it rarely and told me it would be mine over her dead body, and then right before my husband and I left for our honeymoon, she gave it to me to keep. I took it almost everywhere on that trip.

IV & V.

The brief (which I conceived and assigned to myself) for the outfit on the left was Couture Whimsy, inspired by images of Balenciaga couture of a bygone era and by Miu Miu’s spring 2017 collection chock-full of sunny colors, loud prints, and nostalgic little girl’s accessories blown up just a little too big for adults. A few years ago my husband and I were in Capri for our honeymoon. One day we we ended up at small beach in Marina Piccola, where gorgeous older Italian women in their swim caps adorned with flowers swam further out into the bay than the rest of us, the embodiment of the retro glamour Miuccia Prada was referencing.

Secondhand sandals, tabis, headband; gifted bag and earrings.

To reinterpret that romantic image forever lodged in my mind for drier land, I sourced a nutty headband with oversized flowers from that Miu Miu collection, adding dimension and interest without fully committing to a hat while simultaneously keeping my flimsy hair away from my face. The headband was the jumping off point for Couture Whimsy, and to continue the “a little off” theme, I added a pair of Marni sandals with large rhinestones (I guess I’m very into rhinestones?) that remind me of a pair I had when I was about four years old. Twenty years later, not much has changed. Rounding it up is a Jil Sander bag with a bamboo top-handle that instantly ages anything worn with it in a very good way. Is it couture or is she confused?

Our contender on the right has checked sentimentality at the door. She’s right here, right now (sorry I know this is an old song but I couldn’t help myself). With her metallic Margiela tabis and Mugler spiral curve bag, she’s not like a regular mom; she’s a cool mom. What I love most about this dress, aside from built-in air conditioning, is just how many ways it can be styled. Even though it’s such a special piece as is, for days when I’m craving something a little different, a weird pair of pair of shoes or a lady-like bag or both together makes it feel always and ever brand new.

Until next time!