014: The Long & Short of It
A not-so short story of long shorts
When I first embarked on this mission of styling a pair of newly acquired buzzy long shorts, I must confess I approached it with an entirely smug attitude. I already knew exactly which tops I would wear it with and lined them up in a row. This will be so easy, I gleefully thought to myself, and oh what a disaster I was faced with! Nothing looked right, from my top to my toes, from the shoes I thought would look perfect with the shorts to the earrings dangling from my ears.
Before we proceed any further, I ought to introduce the long shorts in question. It isn’t often that I buy clothes brand new; around 80% of my closet is secondhand, and when I do decide to buy something fresh off the rack, there is a lot of contemplation at play. Most of the time when I do get around to purchasing an item in question, it sells out and so my work is done for me while my husband bangs his head against the wall and goes a little more grey in the background.
After a considerable amount of time of looking and visualizing and closing and reopening of tabs, I settled on the Essex Short from The Line by K, a LA-based brand in the business of ethically-made unpretentious and rather lovely clothing. Crunchy and crinkly with pockets, an elastic waistband and at a length that hit just below the knees, these long shorts have the right amount of fun and freaky that I enjoy. I must also confess that I am self-conscious about my knocked-knees from years of internalizing what “beautiful” bodies should look like and growing up in a society where it was not uncommon for women and their daughters to have their knees bleached. Allowing myself to wear things that are above the knee hasn’t been the easiest process. Don’t worry, I’ve been in therapy for five years and counting for my knees, among other things.
After putting together outfits that seemed perfect in my mind but in reality were befuddling, I almost retreated. I berated myself for not spending even more time thinking through my purchase. This is what I get for buying something new, I told my cat. It’s true that the long, wide-leg shorts were a little out of my comfort zone; ordinarily I would have opted for something a bit more tapered, but there was something about how these shorts absolutely did not cater to the male gaze or any conventions that I found intriguing. I took a pause, a deep breath and asked myself, “WWMPD? (What would Miuccia Prada do?)” Instead of trying to offset and balance out the weirdness of these long shorts, which was what I had been trying to do, I needed to play into it, I needed to let it be Ugly Chic!
With this reframing in mind, it was like riding a bike (side note: riding a bike is something I actually don’t know how to do, alas!). Originally I was trying to achieve a harmony of proportions, either a very fitted top or very oversized layers, but it just wasn’t working. On a good posture day I’m 5’7, my torso is significantly shorter than my legs, my hips are not pre-pubescent, and I was overcompensating for all of it. However, in the land of WWMPD, to hell with the playbook and all the rules. The foundation for these reformatted looks were “Extra in Blue Crush” and “Freak Chic”, the former being self-explanatory if you weren’t born yesterday, and the latter about perverting what in the public consciousness would otherwise register as “good taste”.
Long shorts are certainly not for everyone, particularly these wide-leg weirdos. They’re not conventionally sexy and trying to get them to fit any pre-conceived notion is fruitless. I’ve worn all these outfits before with long black trousers, which looked nice by all accounts, but at times I worried it looked a bit too polished and expected. Paired with shorts, however, the outfits take on a whole new meaning, and have the capacity to both upset and delight unsuspecting victims.
When my husband came home from work, I asked him what he thought of my shorts. On the stove was a pot of pasta I had just finished making for our dinner. Ever the wise man and without missing a beat, he replied, “They look great!”
Until next time!
Those are the type of shorts you bring on vacation! It’s time for a trip 😘
That Céline by Phoebe knit 🤍